Money, Wealth & Prosperity

I Did it My Way, By Frank Sinatra...

I've blogged the lyrics of this song before but I am posting it again because it keeps coming back to me. If, and when I face the final curtain, if I am able to say these words and truly mean it, this life would've been worth it!

My Way By Frank Sinatra 

And now, the end is near, And so I face the final curtain.
My friends, I'll say it clear; I'll state my case of which I'm certain.

I've lived a life that's full - I've travelled each and every highway.
And more, much more than this, I did it my way.

Regrets? I've had a few, But then again, too few to mention.
I did what I had to do And saw it through without exemption.

I planned each charted course - Each careful step along the byway,
And more, much more than this, I did it my way.

Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew, When I bit off more than I could chew,
But through it all, when there was doubt, I ate it up and spit it out.
I faced it all and I stood tall And did it my way.

I've loved, I've laughed and cried, I've had my fill - my share of losing.
But now, as tears subside, I find it all so amusing.

To think I did all that, And may I say, not in a shy way -
Oh no. Oh no, not me. I did it my way.

For what is a man? What has he got? If not himself - Then he has naught.
To say the things he truly feels And not the words of one who kneels.
The record shows I took the blows And did it my way.

Yes, it was my way.

 

God is truly our Anchor

Deep down I have always believed that we are all divinely protected, whether we believe it or not. And even when we feel that our prayers are not being answered we have to remind ourselves that there a number of different answers; amongst them are:

1. Yes
2. No, or
3. Later

But we are only human, and we tend to always expect only the answer ‘yes’ to our prayers.

Must say, I had really wondered why my divorce was taking so long. Based on the lifestyle I had virtually chosen to lead, the length of time it took to resolve matters meant a complete stagnation for me. My income was solely linked to my investments and I had no 9 to 5 income to depend on. Hence, when these investments came under contentious dispute as my ex tried to claim 50% of what he convinced himself to be his, this meant that my entire livelihood was put on hold while he continued his 9 to 5 and even refused to contribute adequately towards his own children. Honestly, how I survived the past four years is short of the miraculous.

I had bargained a maximum of a year to sort things out so every time another court hearing was adjourned either based on a technicality, an ‘academic exercise’, judge illness or what-have-you, I struggled to find meaning in the whole thing. But I was trapped. I wanted a divorce and only the courts had the power to give it to me so I had to play by their rules. You will laugh at this… it even got to a stage where I was convinced that ‘African electronics’ had a part to play in it. And if you do not know what ‘African electronics’ are, I will not blemish your innocence so far.

Solicitor Extraordinaire
I changed solicitors so many times that I vouched to remain with who I assumed would be the last one. I even said to her, “X, just do your worst. You are stuck with this case and I am not changing again.” Then X informed me at the very last minute that her firm was closing down its’ family department and she was moving to another firm and would be focusing solely on care cases, which excluded my case!

What I thought was bad news actually eventually led me to the best solicitor to handle this case. She was marvelous, extremely marvelous… Thank you, Ashleigh. And even when I was fretting at the very last minute due to yet another threatened adjournment she sent me a message saying, “…don’t worry you are in safe hands.” And another one later on that day, “I just wanted to further reassure you that you are in safe hands!!” Wow!

I certainly was in safe hands! Even the judge commended them in her summation statement, “Mrs. Ntifo's current solicitors, have to be congratulated for taking on this case…”

My God came through for me in the end through Ashleigh! So much so that even I marveled at the magnitude of how he completely exonerated me with regards to numerous allegations that had been leveled against me in the course of the proceedings in a bid to strengthen the other party’s case.

This case had so shaken my faith that in all the years it took, I only went to church three times. For someone who had been a weekly church-goer, that was perplexing. I just did not feel like going to church and I am one to listen to my spirit. Yet, by the third day of the hearing, I rediscovered my zest to attend church again. Another perplexity; or, a sign of restoration!

Best Most Difficult Decision I ever made

Often, the toughest or most difficult decisions we make, or those decisions that we are forced to make end up being the best decisions ever. As human beings, we get so used to our comfort zones that we are often reluctant to change despite the fact that ‘Change is the only constant in life.’

Undoubtedly, deciding to get divorced was one such decision for me. Not only me, but the handful of girlfriends who have had the courage to get out of untenable marriages also confirm this. Despite how modern we have all become, most of us still hold traditional and Christian beliefs that marriage is for life, hence we do whatever it takes to hold on to it. But how about those of us who knew deep down that we were flogging dead horses? Not to mention those who are still flogging dead horses?

FINALLY, my divorce, which started in a leap year, has come to a natural end in a following leap year; after 1341 days, 3 years and eight months and I can now breathe easy and start sleeping better.

Earlier this week I was sharing with a girlfriend how unbelievably happy I have been ever since it all ended in May 2012. I feel that I have nothing to be happy about since, thanks to the delusional fool, I gave up everything that I worked so hard for and really, at present, I am as poor as the church mouse.

Still, I was content with the outcome, given that I had always said that I would rather lose the investments than hand over 50% to someone who had not contributed financially, nor otherwise towards its build, someone who by all intents and purposes was dead against me quitting my 9 to 5 to start investing. His biggest mistake was underestimating my determination, my guts and my oomph. Sadly, he continues to underestimate me.

So why am I so happy? A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. For almost four years, it was the last thing I thought about at night and the first thing in the morning. Now, I can focus on the exciting challenge of rectifying the damage and rebuilding my life. At least now, whatever I do is for me and my children, not someone else trying to reap where he had not sown. Hello, even the bible cautions against that.

Feeling this happy actually reminds me that I had literally forgotten ‘how to be happy’. Yet, for someone like me, being happy used to be my default mode. Yet, it was so bad that I had to take anti-depressants during the course of the past three years. First thing I did was book an appointment with my doctor to wean me off them. But the ever so cautious professional insists that it is too soon, as he fears a relapse.

I am so thankful to have the joy back in my life and that is what confirms for me that I really made the right decision, despite the pain, the agony, the years of contentious litigation, the losses and all – I made the right decision.

My life is simpler now. I still love gardening. I had to move my children out of their private schools, which really, really was a tough corollary decision. But now I do not have to think about those huge monthly direct debits going out of my drained accounts. I probably should not buy another handbag for a while, and I may have to cut out a few shopping coupons. Anything is better; anything to get to where I am today.

I must add that I was extremely shocked and surprised when a few people tried to persuade me not to pursue the divorce any further, especially when it got very sticky and controversial. The basis of their argument was given the level of security I had managed to achieve, I could simply live with my ex, still be married to him and start leading a completely separate life. In essence, I should remain married but separated in mind only! I honestly didn’t know how I could live such a life. I suppose one thing I have come to learn about myself is that I am an ‘all or nothing’ girl. Hence, to live a lackadaisical married life was something my simple brain could not fathom. It’s probably working well for a number of women, minus me. One woman said to me that to lose all my investments for the mere sake of a divorce is a curse. I must say she had me there, and I had to rethink what she was trying to say.

Starting all over
There’s something fresh and exciting about starting all over. Yes, it’s going to be tough, it may be rough, but I have always believed in ‘the best is yet to come’ and I have the added advantage of experience behind me. You know, they can take everything away from us but they cannot take what is in our minds.

And if it is any consolation this is exactly what the judge had to say about me in her judgement… “I take into account the fact that Mrs Ntifo is a very resourceful character and I have no doubt that the end of these proceedings and the stress of them will see her straightaway moving forward.” This… from someone who only met me for 3 days! What an astute woman!

 

My Healthy Hair Journey - HHJ

Many of you may have noticed that I cut off all my hair a couple of years ago. This was due to a combination of factors. I had my hair dyed at the salon, and he didn’t quite get the colour I liked, so I had another hair dresser redo the colour barely weeks after, hoping to get the right colour. That didn’t work either and the result was limp unhealthy hair that I downright detested.

Having had reasonably nice healthy hair for a long time, I found this rather annoying to handle. So one day in April 2010, when my hair was due for a relaxer I just walked into a barber’s salon and asked him to cut off all my hair. My son reckoned I was having a ‘Britney moment’. I figured I’d try short natural hair for a while and then re-grow my hair all together whenever I felt like it.

Cut the long story short, I have kept a combination of short hair styles, from ‘daavi’ to braiding, cornrows, even curly perms, wigs, weaves and back to my natural hair. I’ve got to a stage that I don’t want to cut my hair again, and I never really enjoyed weaves plaits and wigs. To be honest, what the past two years taught me was, ‘I look far better with longer hair’. I am glad though that I was daring enough to dispense with what has been known throughout the ages as ‘a woman’s glory’, and let the world see me for who I am.

I also think this hair thing was a reflection of what I’ve been going through the past four years, the stress and frustration of the protracted divorce and the state of my life right now, but that will be another story.

I am back where I started. I am going to re-grow my hair again, and this time set myself on a Healthy Hair Journey (HHJ). My goal is to have healthy long hair by the end of this year, two years at the very least. No more chemical dyeing for me.

The idea of a HHJ came to me when I accidentally came across so many hair blogs online a couple of days ago. It never ceases to amaze me what is available online. My stylist had recommended I use Henna to dye my grays, which have been rather rampant recently. I used to know about Henna ages ago, probably in my teenage years when I couldn’t afford a lot of salon conditioners.

With regards to my grays, I am really ok with them and I never minded them showing of in full glory. I figured it showed my ‘wisdom age’ and I have never been one to fear ageing. What I found though was that so many people were rather concerned for me. Every time I proudly exposed my grays anyone I met would comment or try and give me ‘helpful’ suggestions as to how to hide my grays. That started getting rather annoying but I suppose people simply cannot help themselves.

Anyway, my stylist’s recommendation to use Henna led me online to find where I could easily get a good supply of Henna in London. I first came across SimplyIntoMyHair, which led me to people like Nunaavane and Miss Kibibi. Quite an evening! This has really motivated me to start my own HHJ.

My hair is really short now, exactly 3 inches, or 7.75cm long (yes, I got the tape measure out) and I had it relaxed again yesterday. I will put some pictures on here soon to document my HHJ. Don’t worry, I cannot see myself doing tutorials on hair on YouTube, but I figure this is something I am going to enjoy so please come along with me to Healthy hair. Plus, I have two daughters who have hair far longer than mine right now but who could use some healthy hair tips, even if this is coming from Mum.

As I said, please come along to my HHJ!

“From Money, Wealth & Prosperity, to Marriage & Divorce, and now Hair! What next?” You tell me.

Laura Dekker: A Force To Be Reckoned with

I have been following the incredibly inspiring story of Laura Dekker, the 16-year old girl who travelled solo around the world making her the youngest-ever solo circumnavigator, although Guinness book has refused to certify this record in an attempt to stop young person’s putting themselves at risk by trying to break ‘dangerous’ records.

Laura doesn’t seem bothered with the fame or money; clothes and luxury apparently means nothing to Laura.  All she wants is to live her dream on her boat, a dream that stems for her heart and soul.

Laura’s story is one of tremendous self-will-power and determination, a quest for freedom, stoicism, independence, discipline, and a certain zest to uphold her inner wishes regardless of whether the world understand and accepts it or not. I can align with that.

Faced with several court cases from as young as 13 when she announced her intentions to sail around the world, Laura battled with Government organizations concerned about her safety and won. These authorities tried to use the court system to deter her from making the trip and complained that at her age her place should be in the classroom instead. Miss Dekker is “seriously thinking about not returning to the Netherlands” because of the controversy in Holland surrounding her voyage.

It is not surprising that Laura has become rather wary of authorities who claim to be acting in ones best interest. Who wouldn’t be?

Laura was born on a boat on 20^th September 1995, and spent the first four years of her life at sea. After her parent’s divorce in 2002, she went to live with her Dad and has lived on a boat most of her life. Naturally, this kind of existence is not the norm hence the Dutch authorities difficulties to accept Laura’s plans of sailing the world at her age. What they failed to appreciate was how normal and important this was to Laura.

Under the guise of ‘working in her best interest’ they tried to shape her up into a ‘normal’ teenager. On the contrary, Laura is understandably not interested in what the ‘normal’ sixteen year old focusses on. Instead, she is content to cope with weeks of solitude, ocean storms, threat of whales and pirates. She says, “For me it’s really normal.”

For me, I can only marvel at how a person as young as she is can have so much of her wits about her. Here’s some special girl. I am so happy for her that she met her goal of circumnavigating the world despite all the negativity from the authorities, and others.

1217 days and still counting!

I just communicated with a fine lady whose divorce lasted less than 61 days. 61 days! I felt inclined to count the days mine has been pending and was rather shocked that it’s now been 1217 days and I am still counting. There’s always been a reason to adjourn it, be it a technicality or an ‘Academic Exercise’, last one being ‘the judge was ill’! Fancy that! It’s been a complete and utter madness. But what do you do when the other party is so autistic and envious that all they want to do is destroy you? Yes, you can agree with all their delusional demands or…

Well, it shouldn’t be long now. Everything that has a beginning has an end. ‘This too shall pass’ so I continue to wait patiently.

On a lighter note, I have been wondering what I will do when it finally comes to an end? Many think a divorce party sounds corny, but despite how it may sound I really want the chance to celebrate its' end and the beginning of my new life. I have always regarded my divorce more of a fresh new start than the end of an era. I accept that it is a bit of both, like the difference between half-full and half-empty.

Now that I find myself focusing on the end I feel this lightness of heart and quickening of spirit. I honestly can’t wait. It’s been extremely stressful and what is more frustrating is how long it has taken. Still, I guess we must learn to lay in wait for a good thing.

So, how am I going to mark the occasion? I’ll start a brainstorm list of ideas.

1. A well-deserved holiday with my children, maybe to the States, Bahamas or Coconut Grove Resort in Ghana? They absolutely loved it there!
2. The divorce party?
3. A quiet dinner? – Hmm, not my cup of tea. Doesn’t sound much like a celebration
4. Train for a marathon and run it to mark the occasion?
5. A boudoir décor?
6. Release 1217+ helium balloons to mark the number of wasted days

One thing for me, it is not going to be a time for mourning, been there, done that. It is going to be a time for celebration.

There are some people dead against the idea of celebrating a the end of a marriage, people who think that: “Of course there may be a relief in shedding a horribly violent husband or an alcoholic wife, but that doesn’t take away from the underlying misery — the disappointment in seeing the end of a loving act of creation.”

And in reference to the subject of a divorce party, they say “Could there be anything more shallow and trivial?”

There can only be “underlying misery” if you let it and why is a divorce party any trivial and shallow than a wedding party, or a baby shower? All these are celebrations to mark an important life-transition. It’s the meaning you give to them that counts. We are happy to mark ALL life-transitions with a memorable celebration – birth, Holy Communion, marriage, birthdays etc. Why not divorce? It’s about time we stopped attaching so much negativity to divorce. The stigma will be there, only if we continue to give it a negative meaning. Most divorcees feel differently nowadays.

For me, I will continue to add to my list of how I am going to celebrate the end of being attached, or associated to this jerk!

Destiny & Our Higher Purpose of Life

We all have a certain vision or plan of how our lives might unfold. Even the people who do not set daily goals have some sort of image of how they want their lives to run. These are mostly based on our life experiences, values; those of our parents, the people around us and the society we live in.

What we come to learn is: “Very often not getting our dream gives us our destiny.” Not having our lives run the path we envisage can give us a higher purpose. Often we don’t always realize the goals we set. This can make us frustrated, disappointed, and sometimes resentful.

It helps to look for an empowering meaning whenever something happens that is not necessarily according to our vision, to ask ourselves - how can I use this to serve higher purpose, to make me a better person?

I for one, never ever expected to be divorced, ever. My community still looks upon divorce with a little stigma, which I now proudly wear! It went against my community values, my Christian values and what have you. But divorced I am actually praying that I will soon be! In fact, my biggest frustration recently has been how long trying to get my divorce has been. What an irony that I cannot wait to be divorced.

Very often in life when we really look back on our lives, the worst adversarial situations have been our best learning points, if we only we are willing to trust that it happened for a reason. This reminds me of a poignant piece I found extremely comforting in 2005 the late Steve Jobs’ commencement speech at Stanford University. He said– “you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life”.

Steve Jobs at the very least knew what he was talking about.

Some experiences are too painful that we probably never want it to happen again but we must be willing to trust that these experiences serve us. Once we are willing to trust and have faith, to look for answers and actively pursue them, we will come to realize that every human experience supports us, even the painful ones. Yes, even the painful ones!

Instead of living in fear of pain we can choose to live with certainty that - No matter happens we will benefit from every experience and situation. When we adopt this approach in life, we will look for benefits and therefore we will find them.

Back in 1997, I went through a most painful experience. Following an affair my ex had, I faced a lot of rejection and abandonment from my ex. I wasn’t strong then to walk away. Life was still shaping me up and pruning me. The worst of that rejection was being told without mincing words that I was a ‘liability’, that I was dragging him back, that I didn’t earn enough money to enable him live the life he wanted! Phew.

Fancy being reduced to M.O.N.E.Y! My only excuse is at the time I was a new mother for goodness sake. A new mother who had fallen pregnant in my final year of an advanced diploma I was pursuing after my first degree. This meant that I couldn’t start any serious job hunting with a nice pot-belly. I mean, who was going to employ this new graduate about to drop. So I made do with my sales job that I had had during college. I’d also had complications in this pregnancy at eighteen weeks when I went into early labour due to degeneration of uterine fibroids. So with all these complications and a commission-based sales job, is it any wonder that my income dropped significantly? Suffice to say, I continued to work as soon as I was discharged from hospital.

So, to be rejected at this time when a woman’s hormones are all over the place, and reduced to being likened to M.O.N.E.Y was the pits and I felt like cringing into a corner, which I did! It took years to get my confidence back and crawl away from that corner. Years of pain during which I had to question my worth and value! If your own husband of only 3 years rejects you, not just in favour of another woman, but relegates your worth in favour of M.O.N.E.Y, is it any wonder that somewhere along the years, when I finally got my self-worth back intact, I determined that, “Never again! Never again will I be valued alongside M.O.N.E.Y. Heavens, I am a trillion-fold far more priceless and beyond compare!”

I decided to study M.O.N.E.Y to understand how it could have that power to be used against me! To acquire enough M.O.N.E.Y such that no man will ever have that power over me, ever!

Don’t get me wrong, M.O.N.E.Y was not everything. In fact, there are far more valuable things in my life now apart from M.O.N.E.Y, such as my children, my life, my family, my health, my intelligence, my courage, and a lot more. But M.O.N.E.Y does sure buy a few handbags.

Fast forward a few years on, I realized that my life path changed that day he told me he wanted a separation not only to continue his affair with another woman, but also because I didn’t earn enough money. Mind you, that was the only time he wanted to leave me!

At the time, I begged him to stay, I begged him that we could work this through. Of course, I knew that he wasn’t thinking straight, that he was delusional. I mean, which man in his right mind would want to leave me? And he never ever did again. He never wanted to leave me again, even when I begged him to years later.

For you know what, I finally became the woman he always wanted to be with for life. I am proud of that. But he had lost that chance. Looking back he lost that chance that day in July 1997. The ensuing years were just a bonus to give him a chance to redeem himself, but unfortunately he was never man-enough to do so. I often said to him, “Ye ma wo hene, na wo andi a, kyeame bo wo”. Meaning: ‘Given the opportunity to be a king, if you do not live up to it, you will not get the chance to even be the king’s spokesperson or linguist.’

At the time, the vision of my life did not include being left after only three years of marriage, and I found it hard to handle. But that experience proceeded to change the course of my life. Gradually, I came to realize and accept that in fact being left, or divorced is no big deal. That I could grow from that experience to become more.

Don't you think that finally becoming a major investor, with an enviable portfolio of properties and other investments IS more than the cringing girl who feared being abandoned. Ironically I was the one to finally leave him, and for two years he continued to beg me to have him back. The interesting thing is at the same time he was trying to convince me to have him back he was fighting a losing legal battle for half of my investment empire. Some stupid solicitor must’ve advised him that he could do so in English Law.

Ha! For what shall it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his own soul? Sadly, he didn’t only lose me, he lost his own children and does not even realized how dispossessed he is. How sad!

On the other hand, through these painful experiences I have been empowered to find meaning in my life, to seek and find my higher purpose, and to not rest until I have found it. I used to think that my property portfolio was the legacy I was building up to leave for my beautiful children. I now realise that it is my entire life that would serve them as a better legacy. How wonderful, how wonderful!

 

The Field of Dreams

I recently watched this rare great movie, a rather old one, “The Field of Dreams” is an American classic combining themes of family, fantasy, faith, reconciliation, destiny, disappointment and redemption. The one theme I’d like to focus on today is its metaphoric depiction of how by losing our dream we come to ‘find our higher purpose in life’.

The main plot is about Ray Kinsella (Kevin Costner), a novice corn farmer who becomes convinced by a mysterious voice that he is supposed to construct a baseball diamond in his corn field... 'If you build it, he will come'.

Later in the movie Kevin Costner seeks out an old man, Dr. Archibald ‘Moonlight’ Graham played by Burt Lancaster. This fictional character in the movie is actually based on a true life person by the same name, and except for a little artistic license with the dates it pretty much tells a true story.

'Doc' Graham used to be a baseball player as a young man who had worked extremely hard to get into the majors of the game. His whole life’s dream had been to play professional baseball and he did everything to try and realize his dream, his passion.

Finally, he made it to the big league and the whole season went by without his being able to play. At the end of the season, in the eighth inning the coach finally selected him to play. He was so happy he couldn’t believe it. He ran onto the field waiting his turn to bat, waiting for someone to hit the ball to him, but nothing happened.

Graham played the bottom of the ninth in right field but never came to bat. That game turned out to be his only appearance in the major leagues. His turn to bat never came and the next year, without giving him another chance they sent him back to the minor league. By this time, he just couldn’t take it anymore so he quit, and went on to pursue and complete a medical degree in the University of Minnesota, got his license and began practicing medicine in Chisholm, Minnesota.

He said to Kevin Costner of his one-time appearance in the major league, “You know we just don’t recognize the most significant moments of our lives while they’re happening. Back then I thought, well, there’ll be other days. I didn’t realize that that was the only day.”

Kevin Costner thought about what an incredible devastating pain it must have been for ‘Doc’ Graham to have been that close to his dream and not touch it. He said to Doc, “Fifty years ago, for five minutes you came within... y-you came this close to your dream. It would KILL some men to get so close to their dream and not touch it. God, they'd consider it a tragedy.”

But Moonlight Graham gracefully replies, “Son, if I'd only gotten to be a doctor for five minutes... now that would have been a tragedy.”

Playing baseball for 5 minutes was not a tragedy! Playing baseball for only 5 minutes was not devastating. What would have been a disaster, what would have been a tragedy is if he’d been a doctor for only 5 minutes. You see, if 'Doc' Graham had hit that baseball; that would’ve been the bigger disaster. Because then he never would’ve come to live in Chisholm, he never would’ve become a doctor and he never would’ve got the chance to save lives as he did… Now, that would’ve been a bigger tragedy.

In other words, not getting his dream of playing baseball enabled ‘Moonlight’ Graham to realize his destiny of becoming a doctor and serving the people of Chisholm for fifty years.

The true-life Graham served from 1915 to 1959, and was the doctor for the Chisholm schools. The Graham Scholarship Fund, established in his honor, provides financial assistance to two Chisholm High School graduating seniors each year. The award is given to one boy and one girl, $500 to each. For many years while practicing medicine, 'Doc' Graham made arrangements to have used eyeglasses sent to his Chisholm office. On Saturdays, in his own time, he would have the children of the Iron Range miners, from Grand Rapids to Virginia, come to his office, have the their eyes checked and then fit them with the proper set of glasses, all free of charge.

Graham died in Chisholm in 1965. He is buried in Rochester, Minnesota.

In the movie, 'Doc' Graham goes on to say, “Well, you know I... I never got to bat in the major leagues. I would have liked to have had that chance. Just once! To stare down a big league pitcher. To stare him down, and just as he goes into his windup, wink. Make him think you know something he doesn't. That's what I wish for. Chance to squint at a sky so blue that it hurts your eyes just to look at it! To feel the tingling in your arm as you connect with the ball. To run the bases - stretch a double into a triple, and flop face-first into third, wrap your arms around the bag. That's my wish, Ray Kinsella. That's my wish. And is there enough magic out there in the moonlight to make this dream come true?”

On hearing this Kevin Costner arranges for 'Moonlight' Graham to have one last chance at experiencing his dream of playing baseball. He brings him to the field that he had built and organizes a game with famous baseball players such as “Shoeless Joe Jackson”. Finally, 'Moonlight' is going to get a second chance to play professional baseball, to realize his dream.

As he steps onto the field he feels young again. But just as they begin to play, just at that opportune moment there came a loud scream from the stand. 

Kevin Costner’s daughter had been knocked off the stand by accident and she falls and hits her head and starts turning blue. Realizing the danger his daughter was in, Kevin Costner starts yelling, “We need a doctor, we need a doctor”. 'Doc' Graham hears the desperate call for a doctor just when he is about to swing the bat. He is about to finally realize everything he had dreamed of in his life, and he says,” I’m a doctor!”

He starts running full blast to save the child but then he stops to look down at the foul line in front of him; the line that divides the field of dreams from the other world - and he realizes that if he crosses this line he can never go back. He can never live his dream again. He does not hesitate anymore, as he steps across the line to save the child’s life.

Once again, ‘Moonlight’ Graham loses his dream, but lives to fulfill his destiny. The moral here is very simple. Inside each one of us are dreams and desires that we have for ourselves, for our lives, those things that we feel are important in our lives. But there is also our destiny, the call for us to go beyond our desires to become something greater, something more! To give of ourselves in ways that we have never given before that would give us the greatest sense of fulfillment to complete our life purpose. The sum total of our lives so far has prepared us for this moment. Let us seek to find the meaning in every experience, however painful, however much it doesn’t go according to the plan or vision we have of our lives.

Dr Archibald ‘Moonlight’ Graham saved lives. Let us live to save lives starting today, starting with our own life. Wow! Phew!

Now, do you wonder why I loved this movie so? Mind you, I am still working hard to get my son to watch it. He run away once he saw how old the film was, how faded and jaded the colours were. But I am still working on him! On that note, I did try to get them to watch loads of Meryl Streep’s movies and he point blank refused to watch “Kramer versus Kramer”. He screamed to his sisters, “Run! This film is so old that Meryl Streep is young!” Lol!

Santrofi Anoma, and the Poisoned Chalice

The fable of the Santrofi  Anoma in Akan folklore has been on my mind recently. Santrofi  Anoma is a mythical bird, which is regarded to be both a blessing and a curse. As the saying goes,

“Santrofi Anoma, wo kye no a, wo akye mmusuo; wo gyae no a, wagyae serade.”

Meaning: To capture this bird, the Santrofi Anoma is to take on curses, yet to let it go is to let go of untold blessing.

Therein lies the dilemma of the Santrofi bird (Anoma). It is a blessing for its transforming beauty and power of its gift of song that is irresistible to humans.  Yet Santrofi is also a curse for its mysterious treasures of the mind imbued with an irritating and irrepressible urge to expose the truth regardless, hence causing rift among humans. 

It is said that the hunter who comes across this bird in the forest is faced with a great dilemma; for to leave Santrofi back in the forest is to leave behind a rare treasure (blessings); while to capture and bring it home is to bring upset to your household, hence the curse.

I have always thought that Santrofi Anoma in Akan folklore can be likened to the Poisoned Chalice in English.

The term "poisoned chalice" is applied to a thing or situation which appears to be good when it is received or experienced by someone, but then becomes or is found to be bad.

William Shakespeare uses the expression, poisoned chalice in Act I Scene VII of Macbeth, in the opening soliloquy of the scene when Macbeth is considering the ramifications of the murder he is plotting. (Yes, I still love my English literature.)

The poisoned chalice depicts the image of someone trying to kill another while offering them hospitality.

I cannot help but think that some husbands and partners eventually become a Santrofi Anoma – they have somehow become a curse, yet once were seemingly a blessing.

They have also become the poisoned chalice, slowly killing you under the guise of loving you.

Hmm, this was always my dilemma – should I enjoy the rare beauty and gift of song of my Santrofi, or must I let this seemingly rare treasure go?

I guess you know what decision I finally made, and boy am I glad! Real treasure or True blessings never come in disguise. Like a wolf in sheep clothing. If it looks like a dog, and barks like a dog even just sometimes, girl, it IS a dog.

Footnote: Yesterday I blogged about letting go of something else, not my ex. I was intentionally rather vague about what that was for a number of reasons. As much as I try to be as open and candid as possible on this blog, reason dictates that I be more reticent on this subject for the time being.

I will eventually be more expressive about what that big thing I let go yesterday was, at the right time. I just wanted to mention in this footnote that, whatever I let go yesterday wasn’t my ex. As you well know I let him go ages ago. Does sound like I am really purging my life recently? Probably!

Letting Go and Letting God

I have always believed in the idea of letting go. Letting go of things, of the past, some friends, and a whole lot more baggage that may be holding us back. This is a hidden key to having much more in our lives, to health and happiness.

Yet, I for one have always found the practice of letting go a most difficult one. I’m a hoarder. I hold on to things, unnecessary things. Just this morning, I was clearing out a filing cabinet and I even had receipts and statements from as far back as 1991 that I still hesitated to add to the rubbish pile. For God’s sake, that was twenty years ago.

I hold on to friends. Some long-standing friends I am so happy to still have in my life but clearly there are some that I must let go. But do I? I convince myself that I have moved on from such people but eventually I have the urge to give them one last call. I tell myself it is because I love people and I hate to give up relationships. Is it any wonder that I over stayed my marriage?

Ah, but I digress. I was talking about letting go in general. This week in particular, I am dealing with letting go of a huge part of my life to date. The idea is to feel lighter; to breathe and thereby lighten my load. This part of my life is something I really, really worked hard for, something I dreamed of for years, which then took more years to put together; something that has really, really blessed my life, energized me and given me a reason to live. However, ironically this same thing has become a thorn in my flesh in the past few years and has prevented me moving on with my life. Like a poisoned chalice!

Letting go is not always easy. The future is unknown. The past, however miserable is a known event and at the very least we know how to navigate it. It is our comfort zone. The future versus the past - “Better the devil you know than the angel you don’t.”

Life is about growth. Letting go of some things are scary and takes boldness and courage. However, looking back, the biggest things I have let go off in the past have led to exponential growth for me. Unparalleled growth! One of this was when I gave up my J.O.B in 2004 to start in business. That was a bold step against all odds. I didn’t know what the future held and I was leaving a ‘secured’ position with a regular income for the unknown. It took me two years prior to finally make that unilateral decision to take that plunge. But I made it; and I have never looked back.

So now it is time to make another bold move, to have faith that all is well, and will be well! I don’t want a mediocre life. I want to live life to its’ utmost and be able to say YES with a zest at the finishing line.

This reminds me of the famous saying often attributed to Goethe:

"Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back; Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favour all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way.

Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now."

So, here I come again. I let go, and let God!