The signs were always there

What you come to realize in the end is that for someone to have treated you badly the signs must have been there from the beginning, if only you had paid more attention to them, or interpreted them correctly to have had the ability to make the right choices. Still, hindsight is always beneficial to analyze things at a later time.

The thing is to consider any experience however unfortunate as a learning experience. The sum total of our life purpose is what we have learned from our experiences and how we use this learning to make better informed choices. Never mind the past, what are you going to do now?

It seems to me that we are all wired differently. I noticed an uncanny difference between my two daughters. One is quite definite in her judgment of people and rather perceptive. Despite her age, she seems to instinctively be a good judge of character and once disappointed will not allow it to happen again. I admire and marvel at how she can quite simple just draw things to a close, without much ado. My other daughter is more like me. We tend to continually give people the benefit of the doubt and keep going back for more mistreatment.

Whether we are wired differently, or not, we all have the capacity to fine-tune our responses to enrich our lives. I am learning to be a better judge of who will, or will not treat me well, and to accept that once a person sets out to treat you a certain way, the likelihood is this will not change. Part of the learning is to accept these people for who they are and, move on. Whatever they are is not about you, it is more about them, and they need space away from you to sort out their own mess.

Moving on is liberating and powerful. It’s like accepting that you do not have to hang around to sort out other people. You do not need to hope that others will change. You don’t even have to wish that they sort themselves out. You just have to be… and just be!

Comments

[Nana Yaa]

I can relate to this completely; not being wired to be perceptive as soon as you meet people and I find that I am praying each time I meet someone new because I am naturally so trusting.
Very insightful and also liberating to realise that I am not the only gullible woman; we have to keep learning and teach our daughters to do the same.
And well done for sharing this when in our part of the world, we are hushed up by any way possible.
And finally I love this bit :Moving on is liberating and powerful. It’s like accepting that you do not have to hang around to sort out other people. You do not need to hope that others will change. You don’t even have to wish that they sort themselves out. You just have to be… and just be!
Truer words were never written in my case. I am just being ME!
Thank you.

[MargaretN]

Nana Yaa, thanks so much for your appreciation of my intention to speak out about things that are mostly held behind closed doors. The urge to hush things up is added insult to injury and more women suffer from that in addition to the abuse itself. We have nothing to be ashamed of. We need to hold our head up high, despite being victims... Knowing that we will prevail at this injustice!